hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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