I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
is wine microwaveable?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
