the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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