i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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