38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
