I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
