His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
