oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
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New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
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Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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