My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
