oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
