I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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