I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
