this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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