i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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