Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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