Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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