so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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