Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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