I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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