i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
