we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
