We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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