the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
