i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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