Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
