Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
