I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
