you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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