Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
