My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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