you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
