I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
