I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
