When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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