Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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