wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
