i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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