i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
