Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
