is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
