He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize