My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
