One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
someone threw a dead crab at me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
