OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
