and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
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He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
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how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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