The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
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we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
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I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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