Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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