I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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