Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
