I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
