So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
