This girl is more easily done than said...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I love having hate sex.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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