M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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