I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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