Heybabeimwearingurpanties
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
