im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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