I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
