If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
