is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
