We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
