I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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