alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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