I think I won the penis lottery.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
